Numerous Ways to Avoid Feeling Blue as One Works Toward the Elusiveness of Publication

I've been avoiding this blog for awhile. I've been avoiding most anything connected to writing, other than anything that can be put in a list. My brain is still trying to work through what I read on one agents website. In short, she wrote..."first time author? unknown? you want to get published? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. good luck!" And so I thought: why am I spending day after day, hour after hour writing my life away, my butt expanding exponentially with every word I type? To have a behind the size of Mount Baker as a published and validated author is one thing. To be described as mountainous and unpublished just won't do, and frankly it would really do a number on my sense of self worth. And so, as I struggle against the grain in pursuit of the elusiveness that is a contract for publishing for my first book, I am going to do so with a butt that is narrower than Mount Baker. This is my key to self worth survival. If a certain accomplishment eludes one, pursue other accomplishments. Thank goodness I'm good at multi-tasking and redirecting.

Whew! Writing a whole paragraph was hard. Obviously my brain is exhausted from all the lunges earlier in the day. So, back to a list. Here's all I can think of to avoid anything to do with writing. This is kind of like pregnancy. Wait, wait, wait, grow, wait, and wait somemore, and when you can't stand any more waiting, distract, distract and eat ice cream.

Things I have done that have no relation to getting published:

1. I fell asleep...a lot...many times...both during the day and at night. On the couch, on a floor, in a vehicle ( and no I wasn't driving). I can sleep anywhere, anytime. Sleeping is good and cozy and I'm not having rejection dreams yet.

2. I've been walking the dog and working out. The dog is happy. My stomach is not. It hurts. I'm happy when it hurts cause it looks a bit deflated. A deflated stomach is good.

3. I've cleaned the house, several times over. I'm so thankful I don't have a housekeeper. There's nothing more rewarding than looking at a sparkling clean floor, other than getting published, or major surgery.

4. I worked on getting a new website up...for my paying job. It's done...AND IT'S PUBLISHED!! And it's so pretty. Check it out. http://www.langleycounselling.ca/

5. I've spent time with my son and husband without saying, "Nice talking to you, but sorry gotta go and get stuff done. Dinner? Huh?"

6. I've got myself a new smart phone and spent hours and hours making it my own. Too fun. I've turned into a techno geek, and I can now say I'm happy for that. The best moment of the week was when I called Telus ( my service provider) back, to tell them how to solve a problem with the phone, cause they couldn't figure it out.

7. I've been planning dinner parties with friends. Doesn't matter whose house it's at, I'm planning it. Out to dinner, in to dinner, appies for dinner, I'm in. Course this only happens twice a year, where I feel like I have the motivation to cook anything other than something that comes out of a box.

8. I've started writing a second novel. It's slow right now, but the first one was slow at the start as well. It moves with one of the characters from the first book, because those who have read the first one, wanted to know more..... Ooops, guess I have been writing.

I'm an accomplisher. Ah well. In between the sitting quietly in life, one has to do something, and while I'm waiting to get the energy back to face the world of publication again, there are other mountains to climb, other people to feed, other things to work on. Someone sent me their bucket list the other day. It reminded me that I'll have to rewrite mine. Lists are fun and easy and it's amazing what happens when you write things down.

PS. Ellen, I know I haven't caused a great scandal or anything, and not a lot of people know me or anything, but wouldn't it be grand to catapult an unknown onto the bestseller list? Just for the fun of it?

The 'Who Is...No One in Particular?' Contest

No One in Particular is, at present, an as yet to be published fictional manuscript detailing the ‘not quite normal’ and often hilarious journey of a therapist who falls apart and who must somehow find a way to come back together. In the novel, Danny, the quirky crispy fried heroine, writes to an enigmatic email contact: noone.inparticular@hotmail.com revealing her most personal thoughts, her most demented poetry, and just about everything else you would normally never willingly share with another human being.

Who do you think No One in Particular is? Is it Prince Charles? Your crotchety 87 year old aunt? A hamster? A dead zombie on Left for Dead? The barfed up fur ball of your cat?

Here is your chance to get creative. Who or what might No One be? Think inside, outside and around the box. The possibilities are endless. To submit your entry for this contest, email your guess along with your name and email address to noone.inparticular@hotmail.com or simply submit your guess to this blog. And just to let you know…although I, Lisa McLellan, hold that email address, don’t bother guessing me. I acquired the email address for the purpose of using it in the book. The contest will close 10 days before the release date of the published book. I’d like to post some of the funniest/most creative entries on my blog so when you write, let me know if you consent to have me post your guess. Manuscript readers are not allowed to enter the contest and are sworn to secrecy about who No One in Particular is.

And what will the lucky winner receive?

The first person to submit the correct answer will have a character named after them in my next book (already started). Yay! You will forever be immortalized in fiction! They will also receive an original, signed by the author, first draft manuscript, and a free signed copy of the book, along with a quirky t-shirt. And if the book gets big, sell, sell, sell, your stuff on E-bay! Talk about a win/win situation. Oh, and hey, if I happen to get a spot on Ellen or Oprah, I'll gladly take you along with me!

The most creative entry, as voted on by me and whoever I select as judges, will receive a free signed copy of the book and an original quirky T-shirt (Danny wears several of them in the book, all with different sayings) signed by the author.

When, and I say when, not if, I happen to happen upon a publishing contract, I’ll add more categories of winners. In the meantime, have some fun with this, invite your friends to participate, and follow things along on the blog, Face book and Twitter at http://twitter.com/no1inpartculr . The more people pushing for publication, the greater the market for the book, the higher the demand will be for your prizes on E bay.

And, if you happen to think this is hokey , then by all means email me with a better idea for promotion. Maybe we can have a hokey contest. That's hokey, all you Canadian boys, not hockey.

International Day of Tolerance

In the spirit of the International Day of Tolerance, which is today, unless I'm mistaken, which is possible, because life has been a bit of a blur lately (sick child, house renovations, life...need I say more?) I am going to try and be more tolerant in my own little bubble of isolation. I guess I could spew on the need for world tolerance, but the likelihood of anyone reading my diatribe on that is slim to none. I don't much care for being lectured, why would I expect anyone else to feel differently? And so, here is my pledge for the day.

Pledge of Tolerance

*I will continue to tolerate rejections from agents respectfully, even though I know that if they would just read the whole of my manuscript instead of a one page query letter, they might want to take me on.

*I will continue will continue to submit to agents and publishers while tolerating the knowledge that as an unknown author, the chances of getting someone to take a chance on me are apparently approaching the infinitesimal.

*I will continue to tolerate the fact that some publishers would rather take on a bad book from a known author than a good book from an unknown author, but I am only tolerating this, because really, what choice do I have?

Now, that's enough complaining for one day. I must recognize that as an author, agents get their pay from having authors that are highly marketable and successful. Since there is a very good chance that many more people might want to read what Ellen Degeneres has to say, vs. me. 'Ms. No One In Particular' I can see why she's much more likely to get a publishing contract than I am. I also have to admit that on a scale of funny, Ellen has me beat by a landslide. So, I shall suck up my frustration, and tolerate the realities of my situation. And in the meantime I will continue to work at trying to get published. This is the fight for the every day Jane, the small fish in the pond, the common person, because we have sometimes have something important worth saying, or writing and we need to be given our own little swimming hole.

Did I mention that I have emailed Ellen about my book? Well I did. I mean, hey, she campaigned Oprah for over a year to get on the cover of her magazine. I should be able to campaign her right? And just because I'm an unknown that doesn't make my campaign any less legit that hers...so wish me luck. Time to come up with some ideas. Anyone got any good ones?

And in the meantime, practice your tolerance...be kind to someone less famous than you.