Happy Holidays and All that Stuff!

Hey cyber world,

I'm taking a well earned holiday from life and am heading away for two weeks, my sole aim, to enjoy myself, relax and accomplish as little as possible. Okay, maybe the accomplish part is a lie, but this is going to be about fun accomplishment.

My back still pains me, but less than it was, and my goal is to come back to the real world in 2010 with a renewed fighting spirit. The world of agents and publishers served to poke a bit of a hole in my gumption during the last part of this year, but I refuse, refuse, refuse to believe there isn't someone out there that wants a manuscript that is funny and entertaining, quirky, interesting and complex. Like hallo!! There is a block buster Sandra Bullock movie sitting in my hands and all you sillies aren't getting that. I have no problem with moving right to a movie without the intercept of a publisher, but I think the full meal deal would be a win/win/ win for everyone.

I may start publishing parts of the book here next year. We'll see. I haven't yakked about it that much on here, so I have a bunch of options up my sleeve, and after a little rejuvenation, look out world! I may also post a resume. It would view something like this. Type A personality, totally driven, accomplishment oriented counsellor/author seeks an agent/publisher who can keep up. I have more than enough motivation, smarts, and drive for both of us to make this book a success, so if you can manage to get off your seat and send me an email, I'll be happy to do a lot of the work and whip your butt into shape.

Happy holidays all. I'll see ya all in 2010. In the meantime, I'll be hanging on the beaches of Cabo and splatted against a tree or two in the Kananaskis. Cheers!

One Little Sneeze

One little sneeze is all it took to send my back into shattering spasms of pain. Me, I, who has never had a back problem, was struggling wholeheartedly to conquer a single stair this morning. Nothing like a dose of humility. Nothing like a left field experience to send one somewhere else. I've been pushing my body lately. Long three mile walks, isometrics, and every form of muscle crunching activity one can do, have all been completed daily in an attempt to get back to the form of body I recognize as being mine. Strong. In doing all that, I've injured nothing, suffered no ailments. But yesterday morning, as I reached down toward the floor to pick up a piece of lint I sneezed, and was taken to my knees as my back protested against the combination of sudden muscle movements that was required of those two seemingly simple things. Out of nowhere came the unexpected, trying to move me away from my goal, slow me down, get in my way. And now, as I sit and think about what that all means, I know that I am looking for ways to get in shape that get around the fact that I have a stupid back injury. I'm taking advice from my chiropractor, but also listening to myself. I'm determined to keep working toward getting in shape and I'm finding exercises that allow me to do that without further inflaming my back. I've hit an obstacle, but I'm moving around it, determined to succeed, and that's what I need to do with my book. Move around the obstacles, work toward publication even when things get in my way. Not sure what that looks like yet, but I'll find that. The last year has shown me how determined I can be. I'm only now discovering just what exactly that means.

The Silence of December

As I have continued to work on shrinking my expanded back side over the last month, through long walks with my dog and assorted muscle burning exercises, I've had a lot of time to think. What did I think? Primarily I thought that I feel a lot healthier and more energetic when I'm on the move, rather than engaging in the sedintary activity of typing away on my computer. I've felt guilty a few times, when I thought I should be pushing things more regarding my writing, but the reality is, I pushed myself incredibly this summer. In just over 4 months time I completed my novel, all 387 pages of it. I don't even want to fathom how many hours I spent sitting in front of my computer screen as I worked at hitting my goal. And I did it. I finished my novel, I've been successful in making it funny and entertaining, with a great story. But now, things are no longer soley under my control. Trying to find an agent or publisher who is willing to take a risk on a first time author seems to be almost worse than finding a needle in a haystack. I mean, if someone puts a needle in a haystack, you know it is in there somewhere, and it's just a matter to taking the time to find it. With finding an agent or a publisher, there are all sorts of factors to consider, including wondering if my query letters are stunning enough. Maybe in one of my next posts I'll write an online query letter. Then it will be there for all to see in cyber space.
In the meantime, I've been in the midst of a great chasm of silence. No rejections, no nothing in my inbox day after day. Just waiting for some responses that seem so long in coming. And when you believe in something, like I do in this book, it can be hard to sit back and wait even when you know it's the right thing to do. Right now, waiting is the right thing, but boy, would I be happy, if when this silence finally breaks, it the is sound of "We would love to see the rest of your manuscript." that shatters the stillness of my inbox.

Numerous Ways to Avoid Feeling Blue as One Works Toward the Elusiveness of Publication

I've been avoiding this blog for awhile. I've been avoiding most anything connected to writing, other than anything that can be put in a list. My brain is still trying to work through what I read on one agents website. In short, she wrote..."first time author? unknown? you want to get published? ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. good luck!" And so I thought: why am I spending day after day, hour after hour writing my life away, my butt expanding exponentially with every word I type? To have a behind the size of Mount Baker as a published and validated author is one thing. To be described as mountainous and unpublished just won't do, and frankly it would really do a number on my sense of self worth. And so, as I struggle against the grain in pursuit of the elusiveness that is a contract for publishing for my first book, I am going to do so with a butt that is narrower than Mount Baker. This is my key to self worth survival. If a certain accomplishment eludes one, pursue other accomplishments. Thank goodness I'm good at multi-tasking and redirecting.

Whew! Writing a whole paragraph was hard. Obviously my brain is exhausted from all the lunges earlier in the day. So, back to a list. Here's all I can think of to avoid anything to do with writing. This is kind of like pregnancy. Wait, wait, wait, grow, wait, and wait somemore, and when you can't stand any more waiting, distract, distract and eat ice cream.

Things I have done that have no relation to getting published:

1. I fell asleep...a lot...many times...both during the day and at night. On the couch, on a floor, in a vehicle ( and no I wasn't driving). I can sleep anywhere, anytime. Sleeping is good and cozy and I'm not having rejection dreams yet.

2. I've been walking the dog and working out. The dog is happy. My stomach is not. It hurts. I'm happy when it hurts cause it looks a bit deflated. A deflated stomach is good.

3. I've cleaned the house, several times over. I'm so thankful I don't have a housekeeper. There's nothing more rewarding than looking at a sparkling clean floor, other than getting published, or major surgery.

4. I worked on getting a new website up...for my paying job. It's done...AND IT'S PUBLISHED!! And it's so pretty. Check it out. http://www.langleycounselling.ca/

5. I've spent time with my son and husband without saying, "Nice talking to you, but sorry gotta go and get stuff done. Dinner? Huh?"

6. I've got myself a new smart phone and spent hours and hours making it my own. Too fun. I've turned into a techno geek, and I can now say I'm happy for that. The best moment of the week was when I called Telus ( my service provider) back, to tell them how to solve a problem with the phone, cause they couldn't figure it out.

7. I've been planning dinner parties with friends. Doesn't matter whose house it's at, I'm planning it. Out to dinner, in to dinner, appies for dinner, I'm in. Course this only happens twice a year, where I feel like I have the motivation to cook anything other than something that comes out of a box.

8. I've started writing a second novel. It's slow right now, but the first one was slow at the start as well. It moves with one of the characters from the first book, because those who have read the first one, wanted to know more..... Ooops, guess I have been writing.

I'm an accomplisher. Ah well. In between the sitting quietly in life, one has to do something, and while I'm waiting to get the energy back to face the world of publication again, there are other mountains to climb, other people to feed, other things to work on. Someone sent me their bucket list the other day. It reminded me that I'll have to rewrite mine. Lists are fun and easy and it's amazing what happens when you write things down.

PS. Ellen, I know I haven't caused a great scandal or anything, and not a lot of people know me or anything, but wouldn't it be grand to catapult an unknown onto the bestseller list? Just for the fun of it?

Amazing Christmas Gifts

I'm all written out at the moment. There's no oomph left in the hemisphere of my brain from which the ability to write sproings forth. I suppose I could spew forth on more of all the feelings and frustrations of being an author who is working toward getting published...but...Nah. I'm just waiting for some responses to various queries right now, poking away at a second book, occasionally grumping to my friends, family and the dog about my situation, and doing some well intentioned, but of little consequence pre-marketing. Perhaps along the way in all of this effort to get something going, I have fried the connection my humourous glandas as well, cause at the moment I have no motivation to even attempt to write something funny. Scratch that...there's some motivation there, but methinks me is just too tired, and being funny takes work, or the right mood, or something else which I can't quite find at the moment.

So, since I'm not going to amuse you with my wit, I'll just share with you a link to some really amazing Christmas gifts. I'm really not feeling like I need anything this Christmas, and was doing the usual "what do I get for everyone else who has everything and really needs nothing" when lo and behold, a catalogue arrived in the mail this afternoon from the Plan Canada. You can buy a goat for a person in need. Clean water for a family or classroom. Mango trees, Birth Certificates for children in need! How cool is that? You can give the gift of reading to children or immunize a community against polio. So check out the site http://plancanada.ca/giftsofhope In my family now, my parents and us give to some charity every year instead of giving each other presents. I'll be putting one of these gifts in their names. Maybe a pig? Farming tools and seeds? Wow. Spread the word. This kind of stuff makes Christmas fun!

And of course, if anyone wants to help get my book published for Christmas, how could I say no? I mean, hey, if it's a success, just think of all the pigs, cows, chickens and clean water I could buy. I'm game for giving back!

The 'Who Is...No One in Particular?' Contest

No One in Particular is, at present, an as yet to be published fictional manuscript detailing the ‘not quite normal’ and often hilarious journey of a therapist who falls apart and who must somehow find a way to come back together. In the novel, Danny, the quirky crispy fried heroine, writes to an enigmatic email contact: noone.inparticular@hotmail.com revealing her most personal thoughts, her most demented poetry, and just about everything else you would normally never willingly share with another human being.

Who do you think No One in Particular is? Is it Prince Charles? Your crotchety 87 year old aunt? A hamster? A dead zombie on Left for Dead? The barfed up fur ball of your cat?

Here is your chance to get creative. Who or what might No One be? Think inside, outside and around the box. The possibilities are endless. To submit your entry for this contest, email your guess along with your name and email address to noone.inparticular@hotmail.com or simply submit your guess to this blog. And just to let you know…although I, Lisa McLellan, hold that email address, don’t bother guessing me. I acquired the email address for the purpose of using it in the book. The contest will close 10 days before the release date of the published book. I’d like to post some of the funniest/most creative entries on my blog so when you write, let me know if you consent to have me post your guess. Manuscript readers are not allowed to enter the contest and are sworn to secrecy about who No One in Particular is.

And what will the lucky winner receive?

The first person to submit the correct answer will have a character named after them in my next book (already started). Yay! You will forever be immortalized in fiction! They will also receive an original, signed by the author, first draft manuscript, and a free signed copy of the book, along with a quirky t-shirt. And if the book gets big, sell, sell, sell, your stuff on E-bay! Talk about a win/win situation. Oh, and hey, if I happen to get a spot on Ellen or Oprah, I'll gladly take you along with me!

The most creative entry, as voted on by me and whoever I select as judges, will receive a free signed copy of the book and an original quirky T-shirt (Danny wears several of them in the book, all with different sayings) signed by the author.

When, and I say when, not if, I happen to happen upon a publishing contract, I’ll add more categories of winners. In the meantime, have some fun with this, invite your friends to participate, and follow things along on the blog, Face book and Twitter at http://twitter.com/no1inpartculr . The more people pushing for publication, the greater the market for the book, the higher the demand will be for your prizes on E bay.

And, if you happen to think this is hokey , then by all means email me with a better idea for promotion. Maybe we can have a hokey contest. That's hokey, all you Canadian boys, not hockey.

International Day of Tolerance

In the spirit of the International Day of Tolerance, which is today, unless I'm mistaken, which is possible, because life has been a bit of a blur lately (sick child, house renovations, life...need I say more?) I am going to try and be more tolerant in my own little bubble of isolation. I guess I could spew on the need for world tolerance, but the likelihood of anyone reading my diatribe on that is slim to none. I don't much care for being lectured, why would I expect anyone else to feel differently? And so, here is my pledge for the day.

Pledge of Tolerance

*I will continue to tolerate rejections from agents respectfully, even though I know that if they would just read the whole of my manuscript instead of a one page query letter, they might want to take me on.

*I will continue will continue to submit to agents and publishers while tolerating the knowledge that as an unknown author, the chances of getting someone to take a chance on me are apparently approaching the infinitesimal.

*I will continue to tolerate the fact that some publishers would rather take on a bad book from a known author than a good book from an unknown author, but I am only tolerating this, because really, what choice do I have?

Now, that's enough complaining for one day. I must recognize that as an author, agents get their pay from having authors that are highly marketable and successful. Since there is a very good chance that many more people might want to read what Ellen Degeneres has to say, vs. me. 'Ms. No One In Particular' I can see why she's much more likely to get a publishing contract than I am. I also have to admit that on a scale of funny, Ellen has me beat by a landslide. So, I shall suck up my frustration, and tolerate the realities of my situation. And in the meantime I will continue to work at trying to get published. This is the fight for the every day Jane, the small fish in the pond, the common person, because we have sometimes have something important worth saying, or writing and we need to be given our own little swimming hole.

Did I mention that I have emailed Ellen about my book? Well I did. I mean, hey, she campaigned Oprah for over a year to get on the cover of her magazine. I should be able to campaign her right? And just because I'm an unknown that doesn't make my campaign any less legit that hers...so wish me luck. Time to come up with some ideas. Anyone got any good ones?

And in the meantime, practice your tolerance...be kind to someone less famous than you.